Explore: Getting in Touch with Your “Self-iest Self”
Last month I listened to the September 6 episode of the podcast We Can Do Hard Things. In this episode, Glennon, Abby and Amanda assert that when the world is in turmoil, the wisest thing to do is to get grounded in your “self-iest self,” and I couldn’t agree more. The trio were clear about what to do, but the discussion faltered when it came to how to find that “self-iest self.” Glennon brought up yoga as a way she can get in touch with herself. Abby shared that physical activity connects her to herself.
Over the past decade, I have learned that my deepest self is inextricably connected to things I most love to do. I feel most like myself when I’m connecting with people who I’m close to; or engrossed in a creative project; or learning something new; or exploring a place that’s new to me; or enjoying physical activity like walking or biking or hiking.
Here are the basics of a method I learned more than 10 years ago from Karen Walrond that helps answer the question of how to connect with your self-iest self.
Pay attention. Notice how you feel when you’re engaged in an activity. Generally when I’m cooking (which honestly is not often), I feel impatient and irritable; it’s not something I enjoy doing. But when I make soup, I tend to feel a sense of creativity; I enjoy making soup. When I bake pies, I feel connected to my mom whose pie pastry recipe I use and to my grandma whose specialty was apple pie; I enjoy baking pies.
Write it down. Make a list of everything you like to do. Include simple things like smelling roses in the garden and more complex activities like planning a family vacation.
Dig deeper. Consider the why behind the feeling. Some things my spouse likes about cooking are the smells and flavors and also preparing tasty food to share with people he cares about. Add the “whys” to your list as separate entries on a long list.
Look for patterns and name your categories. For me, reading novels and memoirs is about learning about life from different perspectives and experiences; reading news articles is about learning what’s happening in the world; watching Finding Your Roots is about learning about the unique and varied tapestries of individual family histories. Each of these activities falls into my category of learning.
Count it all up. Rearrange your long list according to category. Are there categories that feel like they can be combined? Which categories have the most activities? Your top three to five categories are likely activities that bring you closest to your self-iest self.
One less involved (i.e., less time consuming) way you might be able to discover the activities through which you can connect with your self-iest self is to complete the StrengthsFinder quiz. From my StrengthsFinder results, my Learner and Input strengths align with my enjoyment of learning. My Relator strength correlates with the joy I experience when I connect with people I love. Creativity is high on my “long list” assessment but isn’t in the top 5 of my StrengthsFinder. (StrengthsFinder is designed to identify strengths rather than joys.) It’s possible that combining a values exercise with StrengthsFinder might help you zone in on activities you enjoy.
Ultimately, what’s valuable is tuning into what feels right for you regardless of the results of any assessment or quiz. Do you know what makes you feel like your self-iest self? Do you spend time being your self-iest self? How you can access an hour—or even a few moments—of self-iness (or self-fullness)? What would it feel like to prioritize activities that help you feel like your self-iest self?